matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
