Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
