based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
