Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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