I look better un-naked...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
