I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
