I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
