A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
