I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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