i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
