Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
