He uses pillows to masturbate.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
