Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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