You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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