I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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