6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
