Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
