On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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