dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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