OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
