what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
