I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
