Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
