as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
