the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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