tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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