I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
