were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
