I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
