Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
