Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
