the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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