I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize