So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
