george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
