i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
