i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
