Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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