Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize