I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
