Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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