and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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