Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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