I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
