have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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