im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Who died my cat blue again?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
