i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
