i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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