His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
