Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
