Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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