I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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