dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
