jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
