I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
