normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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