I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize