I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
