I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
