tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
