I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
