she was so not down for the gang bang
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
