I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
