I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
