i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
