my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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