Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
