we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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