I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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