Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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