the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize