my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
