Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
