You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
