His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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