Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
